Negative Reaction

8 Jan

>We’ve all done it.  A situation arises and you speak before you think of what you really want to say.  Or you say the first thing that comes to mind even though it could hurt someone’s feelings.  We’ve been having a hard time with this kind of thing with Jayden.  When he misbehaves and I speak to him he usually talks back and says something in a harsh tone that is not acceptable in our home.  Within a matter of 30 seconds he is then at my leg telling me how sorry he is for using a harsh tone and not using kind words.  Yet, in the heat of the moment he can’t find it in him to accept that he misbehaved and apologize and change his behavior and attitude.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?  Do you have any tips?  It just started happening within the last month but I am at a loss of what to do!


3 Responses to “Negative Reaction”

  1. Maria January 8, 2011 at 6:58 PM #

    >I think part of it is a developmental thing, as children lack the impulse control that develops as we age. We went through this with TB, but one thing I found worked well for him and set him up for success was having a different outlet for him. So, when he was upset about something, he will now go sit and "have some space" or he uses a "stress ball" to work out anger and get his emotions back under control. We do some other things to work on why he is upset in the first place, but it is impossible to work on the heart when the emotions are so strong, so I have found it better to give him outlet for the emotions and work on the heart when he is more ready to learn/hear.

  2. Kearstin January 11, 2011 at 3:23 PM #

    >Thanks for the tips Maria. He has gone in his room to "let it out" twice since I read your post and instead of lashing back, he goes straight into his room and comes out about a minute later and apologizes for his behavior. A step in the right direction!

  3. Maria January 11, 2011 at 3:28 PM #

    >Glad it's working. To be fair to TB (and J), there are times TB will ask for me to hold him to help him calm down too, which is a cue to me that I haven't been meeting all of his needs. I leave holding as an option, because I don't believe in forced isolation (and what it communicates– conditional love) for him. 🙂 The book, Unconditional Parenting, really reminded me that my actions (or lack of actions) communicate love in ways I hadn't thought about, so I try to be conscious of what I am communicating from his perspective.

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